I finished all my classes today, so it looks like im on early summer break

I think I've fallen for somebody. it's a little strange since it feels so weird and hard to admit, I never felt this way for anybody my entire life

I got a new computer! I inevitably had to move on from Windows 7 to Windows 10, since a lot of my tools stopped working on that OS. such a shame, but on the bright side a faster OS means I can update this website faster!

i'm sure you've noticed I've been watching FF7 Advent Children*, it's not a series, but rather a movie I've been watching over and over again! I've had a similar period in my life 3 years ago where I watched this all the time, it's a little nostalgic. On a more interesting note, I've been learning Blender so I can live out my dreams of modeling and animating silly low poly characters. hopefully this goes well.

I FINALLY GRADUATED!!!!!!!!! more time for my hobbies and my buddies. and this website of course :3

I could barely watch the fireworks today without being forced to come back home so shortly after I arrived at the spot I decided to go. I hate being so cramped in the house, but I don't think I tried to change the situation that much until a few months ago.

it's 3am and im trying to reset my sleep schedule, so what better thing to do than to read a story. if you like DND or really any traditional RPG I recommend Just a Goblin on Webtoon!

today I customized my computer a little bit so the windows and taskbar looks like the "Luna" theme from Windows XP. no particular reason, but it has me thinking why this isn't something microsoft can pack into their computers so nobody has to use tons and tons of seperate programs to customize the way they want... but I guess beggars can't be choosers. there was a short time my mom let me use her old Mac before my new PC came in so I could still continue my projects, and I barely used it because Macs are so limiting, like a ball and chain. what's with people now trying to make products, websites, EVERYTHING, be proper and prestigous sacrificing convincence in the process? forget the customizations, I at least want to be able to use common tools for art, music, and video editing (and a lot of games too) whenever I need to without a million external things to do so.

I went to a friends house after weeks of terrible days. I always appreciate some time I can go outside with a friend, chill out and smoke a bit

so I suddenly have a boyfriend now...
It's strange, it's like something in me ascended, or something in my chest tightened and nearly gave way. how frustrating, how I felt this way about anything despite not caring or experiencing romantic love my entire life

I feel like i've been on air all week, I can't beleive this is all real. I hope this happiness lasts a long time.
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I once again changed the music on the home page, the music for the special world in Super Mario Bros Wonder. I've felt this way ever since I first played the game when it came out last year, but that specific track, and the snowy theme, make me feel incredibly nostalgic. I always think about me being a little younger and playing video games in my room dimly lit by the small christmas tree in the corner, or waking up incredibly early on a dull cloudy January morning with my best friend so we can grind an event on Pokemon Cafe Remix together, or those days I couldn't sleep so I joined a discord call with my friends, who somehow stayed awake all day and night playing smash, and it would start raining outside.
I have no clue why this specific music activates these memories, or if this is a phenomenon even worth researching.

I found 2 songs I haven't listened to since 2021 and i'm in love with them all over again ^-^ it's like seeing an old friend again.

I was stargazing late at night as always, and I saw a shooting star today! two of them! I never saw any in real life before, despite how invested in Astronomy I am (a little embarassing...).
actually, it's not quite a star travelling across the cosmos as more of a fallen meteor likely set on a crash course somewhere. sorry if I ruined that for you.
the night sky is so especially beautiful during the Summer, it reminded me of my lover a little bit, the way his face lights up the entire room.
to be honest it hits a little too different when you're listening to a chill pokemon playlist.

i've been playing a lot of games I haven't played in a long time and haven't been able to replay. I think it's pretty cool how accessible games are now, and anybody can play just about anything whenever and however they want to. you can play Elder Scrolls on your phone if you really want to!

18 is a big deal. it's a genuine miracle i've lived this long. the world expects me to be an adult, yet some adults in my life still coddle me as if i'm a kid, it's weird.
I was always told to "make a wish" into the candles every year, even though I don't really believe in that stuff I still try anyways. I don't think i'll make a wish this year, everything I could wish for is in my life now. someone I truly love and adore, the greatest friends I could ask for, and a chance to take a big interest of mine to the next level. freedom. freedom to be who I want to be, even if I get weird stares.
despite all the hardships i'd live this life over and over again, just for the excitement of being in love for the first time, the pain and the loss, the day 3 years ago I went outside and watched the sun rise, and finally seeing that everything gets better, finding my favorite song, meeting my true friends, meeting my partner for the first time and my soul screaming his name almost every day, the self discovery, the creation, the joy of just being alive. my life just began, so I hope the next 18 years of my life will be just as exciting

I went to a retro game store and bought a Dreamcast today! it's a console i've been slobbering over since I was around 13 and had easier access to older games via emulation and game discussion forums. the Dreamcast is such a weird and unique system, I think only the Gamecube mirrors it's strange and experimental legacy when it comes to games. it was made especially apparent at the place I bought it from that absolutely NOBODY cares about the Dreamcast as much as I and a select community do, not as much as the xbox 360 and wii, which took a huge blow at my head seeing it at a place advertising itself as "RETRO". of course the SNES, NES, N64, and Gameboy era systems were there as well, but a fresh Wii being on display in a big tempting glass box was something I wasn't prepared to see. it's not a 'Retro' system is it? it's fairly recent is it not? same goes for the Xbox 360 and PS3/2

I don't think i've been so attached to one song in my entire life. I heard it on the radio once and never again, until about a month ago when I randomly heard it on instagram, immediately searched for and downloaded it and never looked back

Sonic 3 trailer came out today! it looks amazing, I can't wait to see it! on a less important note my college courses start today. I thought i'd be a little more nervous but it feels like a more high maintenence highschool, it kinda reeks my days of talking to my buddies and playing fortnite with them all day are coming to a close

since I was bored, I started to live like I did as a kid for the weekend. limited internet access, only the built in windows games, my dsi and weird music I used to listen to at that time and flash games to keep me company. it's a little odd knowing how drastically my idea of killing time changed over time as the internet and communication developed more and more

a new trailer for Ghostface in Mortal Kombat apparently dropped this morning! my boyfriend woke me up like it was christmas morning about it ^-^
this morning I downloaded some mobile game called Fortress Saga. I was never interested in games like these, but I saw there was a Sonic collaboration. it's why I have Cookie Run Kingdom as well, I'll fall for pretty much anything if you slap a blue hedgehog with incredibly loud striped shoes on it.

I found a PDF of an english textbook required for my english class online. they're not getting money out of me anytime soon! how come everything in college costs an arm and a leg...?

HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEENNNN!!! well, it's been halloween since August, but i'll let the rest of the world catch up

things have been going pretty slow lately, I've been a lot more tired than usual. it's more comforting than anything, i'd rather have slow sleepy days I can just play Pokengine and do classwork without worrying about much than action packed stressful days all the time.

Internet Archive has been down for a while now. it has me thinking about media preservation and companies that are so hellbent on withholding information and entertainment from the public all for a quick buck. shouldn't there be some kind of law against that? piracy wouldn't be so abundant if there wasn't such a random outbreak of everything imaginable being taken down or locked away for one reason or another. who knows, my idea about some kind of legal enforcment might make the Monkey's Paw twitch a little, there might be some bizzare loophole so things would get worse.

happy (early for you) Halloween to you!!! I might be too old to go door to door for free candy, but that doesn't mean I can't suit up and give others candy around the neighborhood!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!! for real this time! as of writing this now i'm about to go to sleep, i'm so tired even if I didn't do anything special. I hung around my neighborhood doing stuff for others, but had to cut my plans short because something a lot more important called out to me. if you're wondering, this year I took my Link cosplay out the closet and rolled with it! by the time I could afford the sword it was too late and would arrive after today, so i'll wait until another occasion where I feel the need to Zelda around comes up. Happy Halloween again, and if you played with some kind of object to connect to spirits, spray the place with holy water just to be safe! (and brush your teeth a third time and eat something healthy for dinner if you ate candy all day like I did!!)

it's a little sad to see the halloween countdown go back up to 364, but next year is gonna fly by before our eyes too. make the most out of every day while we wait for next halloween! ♥ ♥

I blinked and November is already almost over!! geez! I learned a bit more about my love today, and he learned more about me too~ I love learning little things about him that seemingly don't matter, even the smallest memory means so much to me.♥
it's about time I go Christmas shopping for my family and friends, but i'm already so stressed out and exhausted... not in what i'd think they'd like, but more financially. I barely have any money in my pocket for myself let alone anybody else! I was thinking about asking for a bit of help from my mom, but i'm worried it would't be as authentic, like it's not truly from *me* since i'm using someone else's funds. I miss thinking money was magic and i'd have an infinite amount of it as a kid ahaha

Happy Thanksgiving for those in the US! if you live in Canada, sorry i'm late... anywhere else happy Thursday! I have a lot i'm grateful for, but I'd rather cherish those things every day instead of one day out of the entire year. besides, the history of this holiday is pretty jumbled, it's really hard celebrating hundreds of people suffering because invaders from the other side of the planet decided to stick their noses where it didn't belong. oh well, it's about a week off school to relax, so i'll take plenty of those!
anyway, this year has been rough huh? it's a very scary and lonesome time right now, but I hope we can all find comfort in our family (and found families!) now. if not, our friends or our partners! remember you are loved and appreciated, even if it doesn't look like it, and I believe in you! ♥

Merry Christmas!! I can't believe it's almost here already. didn't december start like last week?? anyway, I have nothing special to say or update about. i've been so wrapped up in the holiday cheer I didn't notice the time flying by... ^-^ I hope your holidays are blessed and you can take it easy this week, you deserve it for getting this far! I know i'm gonna relax and be a bit of a potato, you should too!

I felt so stuck and aimless lately, but I think it's better to take small steps towards what I want than stress out over making major desicions so early in my life.
on a lighter note! I both dug up an old usb stick from 2021 and an ipod touch I used to play with when I was little. the stick wasn't actually too bad, lot's of nostalgic memories of people I used to talk to, discord servers I used to be in, the way I used to talk, draw, think, all that frozen in time and archived for 4 years. I cherish it a lot.
I decided to jailbreak that ipod, which took embarassingly long since the sideloaders and jailbreaking tools are all quite outdated or plainly just don't work anymore! if you have an ios device lying around though, I do recommend jailbreaking yours if you don't like how streamlined and specific apple's products are.

life has been going really mellow and slow since this year started, honestly I expected more to happen. I guess things have been happening a little! I've been going outside more and exploring abandoned places lately, nice little places to draw and have a soda, even if my clothes get dusty. it's refreshing, getting to just leave and go wherever I like on a whim, whenevr I feel like it, especially when reworking this page and seeing how frustated I was not being able to go out and have time to myself summer of last year, I think that'll change very very soon...
anyways i'm REALLY excited for the switch 2 and mario kart world! I saw the direct today and i'm super interested in the open world stuff, maybe i'll speedrun the game when I get it...
I also saw the general switch 2 direct and yelled at my boyfriend about the new kirby air ride for about an hour. I think air ride is an INCREDIBLY underrated Kirby game, and i'm glad more people get to play it!!

I got an Xbox 360 yesterday after thinking it was lost forever!! :O the 360 is a weird console for me since my nostalgia for it is strictly blurry and visual. I surely remember the games, starting it up gave me a warm familiar feeling my other old consoles give me, playing Soul Calibur 4 and 007 after so long gave me that "ahh the good old days" tingle all old people have, but I don't have very specific memories with it despite all that. I remember watching my dad use it and handing me the controller when he had to leave for work or letting me stay up and fall asleep on his lap while he played with it or fiddled with his avatar, it's special, but I myself never have the traditional solo memories other people have the 360, unlike my dsi and gamecube.